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Sunday Afternoon Ramble

Oct 20, 2013

I love to sit in my car with my iPad and read my favorite blogs. It makes for good quiet time alone, even though nobody is at home right now. It’s just a change of scenery.

When Fall hits, I always want to shop for new clothes. I can’t right now – low budget. But I have always loved dressing for cold weather, even though I dislike going out in cold weather. Isn’t that silly?

I have a lot of coats, sweaters, and boots. I love rich Fall colors, and thicker fabrics. When I can cuddle up in velour and not be hot, I’m happy.

Till next time!

~Liz

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Michelle Obama’s Repeated Mistake

Oct 18, 2013

This is Dances With Fat’s latest post. Please read and sign the petition. Michelle Obama plans to reappear on the asinine show “The Biggest Loser.” It is shaming, bullying, and full of weight stigma. The First Lady is OUT OF TOUCH!

Dances With Fat

social-changeLast year when I found out that Michelle Obama was going on The Biggest Loser, I wrote an article with Darryl Roberts talking about what an absolutely horrible idea it was and why.  Unfortunately it didn’t get the job done because Michelle Obama is planning to appear on the show again this year.  The article we wrote is below if you want to read it, right now though you can help the campaign to stop the First Lady from going to TBL and hopefully start a dialog about why this culture that she is perpetuating is so dangerous. Here are some activism opportunities:

Sign the petition:  http://www.change.org/petitions/first-lady-michelle-obama-please-do-not-appear-on-the-biggest-loser-and-instead-engage-with-the-advocacy-communities-specializing-in-weight-stigma

Utilize these Pinterest memes  http://www.pinterest.com/bingebehavior/biggest-loser-and-weight-stigma/ 

Spread the petition and memes using your own social media.

Do other awesome things and let us know about them in the comments.

Here is the article we wrote last year:

When I heard that Michelle Obama was…

View original post 1,925 more words

I’m Sick Of The Obsession With….

Oct 11, 2013

[NOTE: In this post, I have inserted photos of me throughout the years, showing various sizes, shapes, and hairstyles. These are in chronological order, starting in 2003 and going through earlier this year. Challenge yourself. What is your first reaction when you see certain photos compared to others?]

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I’m Sick Of The Obsession With…Fat. Weight Lost. Body. Exercise. Food.

Irritated as hell. Yes. That’s it. Pissed.

But I know. I’ve been through it; I’m not a hypocrite. Hypocrites don’t admit that they are hypocrites. So I’m not a hypocrite because I admit that I’m hypocritical. I’m not hypocritical because things just are not that black and white.

Anyway….

I just did a search on Word Press for the tag “sizeacceptance” and, seriously, got two blogs that were instead focused on weight loss! WTF? Obsessed with weight loss, but using the tag “sizeacceptance”? Geez.

I can tell you my experience: until I quit trying to lose any weight, I couldn’t start on this journey of acceptance of myself AS I AM, INSIDE AND OUT. (My keyboard got stuck on CAPS LOCK at a very appropriate time.)

I used to diet. Then I did programs, including those that focus not on losing weight [they really do judge you by your weight, by the way] but on not eating trigger foods – programs that have food plans, suggest that you weight and measure your food, etc. In between many of the different “weight loss” things I’ve tried, I’ve gone in the opposite direction and gained massive amounts of weight in short periods of time. Hard on the liver. Lots of loose skin. Stretch marks everywhere. First time I looked in the mirror after that happened, I cried.

My reasonable analysis was that I kept doing something wrong, and that’s why I would go back “out there” eating again. I’d return to the programs with shame and my tail between my legs. I’d beat myself up and talk about how I had screwed myself over and lied to myself. I’d gear all up and kick ass again, and then… crash. My crashes were justified by something, either positive (“I’m now going to allow myself to eat whatever I want”) or negative (“I can’t deal with this thing without eating”). When I was in, I would do what I was told and settle into whatever it took to change the food and myself, and let the fat take care of itself.

But then what would happen? Well, it didn’t “work.” I didn’t get the desired results… which were what?

I’ll show you what I mean. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t benefited from this stuff. But the core issues have remained because switching the obsession from changing my body that I didn’t like to changing my eating was exchanging one behavioral “fix” for another.

Seriously, nothing is wrong with changing. And I suppose nothing is wrong with wanting to change per se. The desire to be better has fueled successes and growth for me. My mother taught me not that things can always get worse, but that they can always get better.

But when the desire to change is really masked self-hatred, lack of self acceptance, or a desire to be someone or something else, then that’s a problem. And oh wise me has just discovered that this has been my problem.

Let’s go back. This whole “weight loss” thing, right? I have [redundancy ahead] been there and played that, directly or disguised, off and on for years. I had this epiphany today, though. It’s surely not original, and most likely this has all been said [more eloquently than this]. But this is my blog, so I get to say it my way whenever I want.

So I always had this whole list of things that I didn’t like about myself or my life or wanted to change or whatever. I wanted to lose weight…

  1. To find better clothes and clothes that fit
  2. To have jeans that fit (for some reason, jeans are in a separate category)
  3. To have better sex
  4. To get a man, to be flirted with, etc.
  5. To have better sex (yeah, I said that one)
  6. To no longer be ashamed of how I look
  7. To be able to reach… things
  8. To have self-worth
  9. So people will not judge me
  10. So I won’t feel like they’re talking about me
  11. So I won’t feel bullied
  12. So I am not the fat girl anymore
  13. To finally be skinny
  14. To be able to wear a bathing suit
  15. To feel comfortable in shorts
  16. To look good in pictures
  17. To feel good about having my pictures taken
  18. To get compliments
  19. To get attention
  20. To be able to climb stairs
  21. To be able to ride a bike
  22. To be able to take a walk
  23. To not get out of breath
  24. So I would feel pretty
  25. To not be fat anymore

Twenty-five is a good number. I’ll stop there.

Each one of those things had an obvious answer, right?

  1. Lose weight
  2. Lose weight
  3. Lose weight
  4. Lose weight
  5. Lose weight
  6. Lose weight
  7. Lose weight
  8. Lose weight
  9. Lose weight
  10. Lose weight
  11. Lose weight
  12. Lose weight
  13. Lose weight
  14. Lose weight
  15. Lose weight
  16. Lose weight
  17. Lose weight
  18. Lose weight
  19. Lose weight
  20. Lose weight
  21. Lose weight
  22. Lose weight
  23. Lose weight
  24. Lose weight
  25. Lose weight

Pretty straightforward. Makes total sense.

But all of those times I lost it [the weight, that is], I still had this:

  1. I felt fat
  2. I still bought clothes that didn’t fit
  3. Many jeans still didn’t fit right
  4. I isolated myself from people who could trigger me
  5. I didn’t talk to my brother, and he didn’t talk to me
  6. I was mean – to myself and others
  7. I had to wear hose and control thingees to keep from flapping
  8. I was ashamed of my loose skin and stretch marks
  9. Thus, I was ashamed of my body
  10. Thus, when faced with nudity and sex, I was preoccupied with how I looked
  11. I still didn’t have self-worth
  12. I still felt like people were judging and talking about me
  13. I still felt like a bullied child
  14. I still felt like the fat girl [kinda the same as #1]
  15. I wasn’t happy
  16. I felt empty and alone
  17. I didn’t feel good or look like I wanted to in a bathing suit
  18. I wouldn’t wear shorts or show anything above the knees
  19. I wouldn’t wear sleeves that go above the elbows
  20. I liked how I look in pictures, but only at certain angles
  21. I got compliments, but they were tainted with my feeling like they existed only because I wasn’t huge anymore
  22. I got attention and didn’t like it
  23. Climbing stairs was still difficult
  24. I still haven’t ridden a bike since I was 13
  25. And I was still fat underneath the clothes and squeezy things, just not as big

So losing weight (each time) didn’t turn out as I had planned.

Today’s epiphany has been a long time in coming. It didn’t knock my socks off. It didn’t yell. It just kind of gently said, “Fat is not a problem,” “You don’t need to lose weight,” and, “This sounds like blog-worthy material.”

Let’s take the twenty-five problems I listed above and analyze them one by one.

  1. Buy better clothes and clothes that fit
  2. Buy jeans that fit
  3. Have better sex
  4. Either get a man or stop trying
  5. Have better sex (yeah, I said that one)
  6. Stop being ashamed of how you look
  7. Be creative with reaching… things
  8. Have self-worth
  9. So what if they are judging you?
  10. Change your feelings about whether or not they are talking about you
  11. Are you bullied now? If so, don’t tolerate it.
  12. You’re not the only fat girl
  13. You just listed twenty-five reasons that being “skinny” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
  14. If you really want to wear a bathing suit, then by all means do
  15. Wear shorts if you want to wear shorts – or don’t
  16. You do look good in pictures
  17. Not everyone wants their picture taken
  18. Are you fishing for compliments?
  19. But you said above you don’t like attention
  20. Take the elevator
  21. We already addressed the bike issue
  22. So take a walk
  23. That happens to everyone
  24. Feel pretty
  25. You are fat, and it’s no big deal

But there’s more. Epiphany said the root causes of numbers 1 – 25 [first list] is not that I’m fat. Nope. Not that. I can and will to some extent go the behaviorist route and do stuff that I haven’t done while fat before. I started that about a year ago. But the problems that need to be “fixed” I think are included in the human experience. They are not unique to me, nor are they unique to fat people.

  1. To find better clothes and clothes that fit -> self-deprivation; delusional thinking
  2. To have jeans that fit (for some reason, jeans are in a separate category) -> self-deprivation; delusional thinking
  3. To have better sex -> shame; fear of being seen naked; fear of being judged; self-deprivation; not good enough for enjoyment
  4. To get a man, to be flirted with, etc. -> trying to get proof that I’m lovable
  5. To have better sex (yeah, I said that one) -> see #3
  6. To no longer be ashamed of how I look -> shame; proof that I’m a good enough person, that I’m worthy of love, that I’m worthy of love; that I’m lovable
  7. To be able to reach… things -> shame
  8. To have self-worth -> shame; proof that I’m worthy; proof that I’m lovable
  9. So people will not judge me -> proof that I’m worthy; proof that I’m lovable; to prove “them” all wrong
  10. So I won’t feel like they’re talking about me -> proof that I’m worthy; proof that I’m lovable; to undo what was done to me when I was a child; to prove “them” all wrong
  11. So I won’t feel bullied -> proof that I’m worthy; proof that I’m lovable; to undo what was done to me when I was a child; to prove “them” all wrong
  12. So I am not the fat girl anymore -> to be good enough; to be accepted and part of the crowd; to prove “them” all wrong
  13. To finally be skinny -> proof that I’m worthy; proof that I’m lovable; to be powerful; to be taken seriously
  14. To be able to wear a bathing suit -> to be like others; to be accepted and part of the crowd
  15. To feel comfortable in shorts -> see #14
  16. To look good in pictures -> see #14
  17. To feel good about having my pictures taken -> see #14
  18. To get compliments -> proof that I’m worthy; proof that I’m lovable
  19. To get attention -> proof that I’m worthy; proof that I’m lovable
  20. To be able to climb stairs -> shame; embarrassment; to fit in
  21. To be able to ride a bike -> shame; embarrassment; to fit in
  22. To be able to take a walk -> shame; embarrassment; to fit in
  23. To not get out of breath -> shame; embarrassment; to fit in
  24. So I would feel pretty -> proof that I’m worthy; proof that I’m lovable
  25. To not be fat anymore -> to fix everything; not being fat would fix everything

So what’s the psychosis? What is it really all about?

  1. I don’t feel worthy
  2. I don’t feel lovable
  3. I deprive myself of feeling good, feeling love, and feeling happiness
  4. I am ashamed
  5. I am embarrassed
  6. I want to be like others
  7. I want to be a part of the crowd
  8. I want to be powerful
  9. I want to be taken seriously
  10. I want to be looked at with respect and admiration
  11. I want to undo what was done to me as a child
  12. I don’t feel like I fit in
  13. I wait to live until I’m not fat
  14. I think not being fat would fix everything

So, in my mind, the core issue was fat. In reality, the core issue was this list of 14 things – cosmic pain of the human condition (or some similar list (perhaps more concise)). And the solution? To be aware of these things. I mean, I don’t have to. There is no rule or law or expectation (or there shouldn’t be) that says that I should deal with anything. There really isn’t. I can just be. I can stay as I am. I don’t have to change. But the uncontrollable direction of life is that we do change. That is understood. And I have known myself long enough to know that I will process #1-#14. I just will. It won’t be because I want to lose weight. There are things I don’t like about being fat. Not being able to reach…. is one of them. But the whole point of the journey of my life is to get stronger, to be of service, to help others. To Smile.

And to just chill out.

And to not be a party to your obsession.

~Liz

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REVIEW – J’adore Beaded Tunic by Denim 24/7 from Roaman’s (Including a Short Rant on Roaman’s)

Oct 6, 2013

Look at this:

J'adore Beaded Tunic by Denim 24/7 from Roaman's

Isn’t it gorgeous? Doesn’t it make you want the tunic? (The bangles? The earrings? The gold pants?? Even the girl???)

Well, that’s the point, right? They dress it up to look like something unrealistic so you’ll want it. They all do it – the clothing companies. I guess I can’t blame them, because it works. It’s like nearly naked women on motorcycles, right? We can get pissed about it, and we should, but we can also do something about it.

Me, I got tricked into buying it. (?) But I am at fault. I was young (it was 10 months ago) when I bought it and first wrote it up. I didn’t have enough experience with dressing with body acceptance or experience with this blouse to share with you its pros and cons, even though I tried.

As an aside, the bangle set she is wearing – I have that. I can’t wear it. The diameter is huge. I am truly convinced that it was designed by Hagrid. Notice how she has her arm up against her hip? That has to be to keep them from sliding off! I can’t find them in their on-line catalog, but my suggestion is measure the circumference of your wrist, determine how high you want your bangles to go and how much you can squish up your hand to get them on, and find out the size of the bangle before you buy it. Duh. Or just go try some on. Duh.

Anyway….

Feel free to complain to a clothing company if they don’t do what they should for you. You do not have to try to wear their poorly-fitted jeans. You DO NOT have to settle for ugly clothes, tight-armed sleeves, cutting bras, and chafing boots. These people are making a killing in an attempt to sell me stuff. They think they can make more money if they sell half-assed stuff cheap — the Wal-Marts of plus-sized clothing. They can get by with it because we let them. Sometimes our low self-esteem lets them. We shop with low self-esteem and body hatred. We shop in order to make the best of what we’ve got or to cover up what we don’t like.

I’ve been guilty of it, and it has cost me, and not just dollars.

However, as I will do, I am turning this into a learning and growth experience. Maybe you can benefit from it, too.

Now, back to the beautiful tunic.

I’m not sure how it is, dammit, that we ended up not getting a full-length photo of me in this lovely tunic by Denim 24/7 from Roaman’s (currently only available in red and black, but I have it in grape [shown] and deep teal). I have shared before that I feel pretty when I wear it, but to be fair, I am disappointed at how sheer the sleeves are. The top feels nice and obviously the bead work is beautiful. There is a light lining, and you can add a tank underneath if you choose. But the first time I wore this to work, I could tell right away that it wasn’t suitable for my office job because of the sleeves.

I am disappointed with Roaman’s not only because they use thin models (which gives us an unrealistic idea of how the clothes will look on us), but specifically with how they modeled this blouse. Either an added lining, thicker fabric, or a trick of lighting or photo retouching was done to make the advertised top look as though the sleeves were solid. This seems to be a trend from this line of stores. Maybe you’ve already noticed it and I’m behind the times.

Here is the top as it looks on me while I’m sitting. I apologize profusely for the lack of full-length photo.

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And a close-up of the bead work, pretty much what made me fall in love with the blouse to begin with.

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The fabric is a polyester chiffon sheer (as I said). The blouse is long and covers to the hip. It is flowing and has a ruffle around the bottom. It is feminine, yet seductive. You can machine wash it, but I’d do it separately in cold or even ice cold water, gentle cycle, turned inside out. You’re best off hanging it to dry.

It can look really pretty with a belt, and I [kicks self] wish I had a few photos showing that, too. It does not define the waist, but that would be a great way to make it do it.

Even with my large upper arms, the sleeves did not feel tight.

CONS: Sheer sleeves. Lack of waist definition.

PROS: Pretty much everything else.

In the photo, I’m wearing a size 26W. Some of the reviews on Roaman’s site say that it runs large, but I did not find that to be true. I measured and went by their size guide and got a perfect fit.

If you buy one, I’d love to see you in it. Post your photos in the comments. Thanks!

~Liz

Little Happy Things

Oct 5, 2013

My iPhone makes the prettiest little sound when someone posts a comment on this blog. It almost sounds like wind chimes.

Sometimes just the little things make me happy.

I hope you are letting the little things make you happy today, too.

Just in case you need a little happy thing this evening, here is a picture of my cat.

She’s not a very bright kitty, but she sure is sweet.

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~Liz

The War Between My Brain and My Self-esteem

Sep 26, 2013

Sometimes it’s a struggle not to engage in the war between my brain and my self-esteem. Weight stigma and body hatred are learned. I’ve shared before how hard this is sometimes: here and here. The latter one was a super-hard experience and was part of the cause of my posting hiatus.

Weight Stigma Awareness Week (#WSAW) is bringing out oodles of articles and posts that remind me that I’m not alone. Sometimes I read something that is not helpful. Often, I read things that open my mind. In particular was one that challenged whether body image and “body love” were relevant to fighting weight stigma: http://bedaonline.com/body-image-irrelevant-important-addressing-weight-stigma/. Body “love” has always seemed a bizarre concept to me, and one totally not on my bucket list.

I didn’t mention that when I got my photos from the December photo shoot, I saw all sorts of flaws in my – well – everything. Fat this, fat that, fat this and that. Fat = flaw. I saw me, a flaw. And even though I was aware of what was happening, and even though I saw the illogicalicity [cross between illogicality and duplicity] in it, I couldn’t make it stop. It was a very emotional experience, one which made me wonder why I didn’t wear Spanx or tights under my jeans, and why I didn’t wear makeup. It made me wonder why on earth I am putting myself out here like this, and who I am to think that I should wear anything besides sweats and a t-shirt.

Yet who am I to be so hard on myself? It reminds me of the time in college (yes, I said COLLEGE, which should be full of ADULTS, right), when I was walking down the hall to class, two bratty guys were standing at the doorway, and when I got close enough, one of them starting making sound effects “smash, smash, smash” for every step I made. I gave him a “go to hell” look, but the kick in the gut felt real.

I feel it now.

As I looked at those photos, that is what I did to myself.

I’m confused, and it’s okay. Two blog posts ago, I thought I had it all figured out. Well, two posts ago, I did. But recovery from bullying must take a lifetime. PBSD: Post-bullying stress disorder. It crops up.

I can’t post anything of wisdom today because of that kick in the gut feeling that is sitting here right now. It’s a good thing there are so many hundreds of other posts out there this week to make up for it.

~Liz

IGIGI Galina Tunic

Sep 21, 2013

Remember this? Sold here: IGIGI Galina Tunic. I never got around to posting that I bought it back then, and it’s as wonderful as I thought it would be. It’s currently out of stock at IGIGI, but in my opinion, it should be back in their lineup for fall/winter. Every time I go to IGIGI’s website, my heart flutters. I love their stuff.

These photos were taken in December by Kira Childers of Kira Childers Photography. I love fall, and I really look forward to wearing this and other seasonal clothes. I hope you enjoy the post, and maybe you can prod IGIGI to get this tunic back in stock.

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~Liz

Where Have You Been All My Life? #WSAW

Sep 20, 2013

[Subtitle: If I see one more ‘plus-sized fashion blog’ talking about weight-loss, I may slit my wrists]

“Scientific study of 170,000 people: feeling fat is worse for your health than actually being fat.”

I don’t know the original source; tried to Google it and found related articles and blogs (including one called something like “A Gabajillion Reasons I Hate Being Fat” by a chronic self-hating dieter who hasn’t posted in going on four years… case in point.)

Anyway… here’s where I found that statistic: http://goo.gl/dK57nE.

Monday starts Weight Stigma Awareness Week. I found this out via a hashtag search on Twitter for #bodyacceptance. (I am falling in love with hashtags.)

Weight Stigma Awareness Week, September 23-27, 2013

Those of us who have been around the I-hate-my-body-and-wish-I-could-pull-or-cut-off-all-this-fat block know the truth in that statistic. Some of of us have grown past it (yet another reason I am grateful for being 47 instead of 37 or 27 or 17 or 7), that is if it is a matter of growing up (“Grow up, Chick! You are who you are, your body is what it is, and now that you’re in your late 40s and see that women are supposed to be soft, cushy, flabby, and comfy, maybe you can get your head out of your ass and stop thinking about losing weight and just live life!”)

Oh, but wait. That chick wasn’t in her late 40s like me. She was only in her mid-30s. To be honest, I was where she was when I was the age she was. And judging is bad no matter what. So I should not judge her. Smack me. Seriously.

So, how did I get there, in my own mire and muck of self-hatred, and then how did I get here, pretty much out of it?

I first “felt fat” (remember: fat is not a feeling) when I was preschool aged. I do not know why. I can’t tell you how it started, but with it came a strong feeling that nobody would want to be my friend. I do not remember if I saw the fat as the cause or the effect, or if they were just coexisting in my mind. I can tell you, though, that my self-hatred started early and continued a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long……… time. In the past three years, I have done a lot of really good work to get out of that crap, but it’s meant facing some hard shit, and putting myself out there – like in this blog. And with friends. And my therapist. And my husband.

So nobody told me that it was okay to be fat – except my mom. My mom told me it was okay to be me, and that I was beautiful. She always told me I was beautiful. My mom was beautiful.

But society didn’t tell me that it was okay to be fat. Nor did doctors (nor do they now). Television tells me it’s not okay to be fat, yet television wants me to eat Lucky Charms – by the boxful. (Isn’t it the best cereal ever, though?) Good Housekeeping magazine’s cover will couple an article called “Lose Ten Pounds in One Week” with “Paula Deen’s Favorite Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe.” Indeed. And even me, in my crazy-mixed-up-mind, will look at Paula Deen on the cover and smirk. Because I’m a bitch. With weight stigma thoughts.

I’m trying to think of the word that describes the dichotomy in my head: believing I’m beautiful yet fearing I’m not. Not caring what others think yet worrying what they think. There’s probably a word for it. It’s just sad, really, and confusing. I’ll take it to therapy Monday. Maybe.

My husband makes fat jokes once in a while. He’s one of the humans who doesn’t and never has gotten it because he isn’t fat and never has been. Would he have been one of the kids to bully me had I known him in my childhood? I don’t know. But I just emailed him a couple of things about Weight Stigma Awareness Week. Tee hee. My doctor has told me to lose weight, and has praised me when I did. I was looking for an email address for him, too. My doctor is getting chubbier, and that’s okay. I have perfect blood pressure and cholesterol. So shut up.

Here is a picture of me when I was a toddler. Wasn’t I just the cutest? Look at those cute chubby cheeks, arms, and legs. They’re still cute and chubby.

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Here’s me in Kindergarten. Cute little chubby cheeks. In Kindergarten, I remember feeling like everyone knew what to do except for me – like they all had some secret about Kindergarten that I didn’t have. I also remember feeling like my legs were fat. I wish I still had those eyebrows. If you haven’t plucked yet, DON’T!

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I’ve been up and down and up and down. I remember in fifth grade weighing about 165 pounds, and then going on my first diet that summer, the same summer I started menstruating. My second diet was after sixth grade. And by my teen years, I was taking diet pills and starving myself to try to lose weight.

Did I mention that I got boyfriends and husbands only during periods of non-fatness? And that sex with a woman who doesn’t look like a porn star tends to freak men out? Except for feminist men. I’m not kidding on that. And when a boy didn’t like me, was it because I was fat? Or did he just not like me? I didn’t know. If I’m ever single again, I’m staying that way.

So where was Weight Stigma Awareness Week when I needed it? Well, we all still need it. Look at this. And when I saw this today, I nearly cried:

http://nypost.com/2013/09/19/obese-toddler-has-gastric-bypass-surgery/

Sickening. Sad.

Doctors promote it. Insurance pays for it. Even my ex-employer rewarded weight loss with cash. Are you fucking kidding me? That was my thought when I heard that. And I was damned if I was going to participate. It was all I could do to keep from confronting that.

So now… today.

This is me, and I am beautiful.

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My husband tells me so, too. Fat stigma is a hard nut to crack, and if it’s been so hard for ME to do it, I have to give others a break – to a certain extent. But not too much. Because we have to be done with this. No more.

Look in the mirror, without makeup, naked, with dirty hair, unshaven, and tell yourself you are beautiful. If you can do that, and you can keep doing that, whether you believe it or not, you’ve got this thing licked.

~Liz

Things Worth Remembering

Sep 18, 2013

Yes. It’s been awhile. I did not forget that I own a blog and have a responsibility to my subscribers. Sorry about that. A few things happened. But it happens. Maybe I’ll talk about it sometime. Until then, here’s a blog post…

Things worth remembering are those which cannot be looked up. The smell of my mother and the sound of her voice, the feel of my cat’s fur, where I last saw my husband’s belt – these are the things life is made of.

If I can Google it or find it on Wikipedia, it doesn’t need to take up space in my head. If I free my mind of the trivial, I can live in the moment and focus on love and relationships and what may later be gone.

My ears will not hear my mother sing again, for example, but her voice is in my head. I would give anything for a tape of her singing the songs of our childhood to us; they can never sell that on Amazon.com. But I lost years of opportunity to human frivolity, anger, misguided focus, and just plain laziness.

Today, may I not take anything for granted. Humans are the only living beings that know we will die, yet we are the only beings that act as if we will live forever. We are stupid that way.

Here is a picture of my seventeen year old cat Princess taken a couple of weeks ago. She’s been with my husband since she was a tiny kitten, and she keeps on ticking. May this picture make you smile and remind you to take a picture of your cat today, because you never know what kind of funny face your cat will make, and someday, that picture might be your number one treasure.

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You can also find her with her likeness on the meme page Totally Looks Like.

Goodnight, and remember what’s important.

Later…. ~Liz

Polka-dot Passion, Polka-dot Crash

Jan 21, 2013

Well, welcome back! I’ve been out of commission, recovering from the holidays (the needed holiday from the holiday). I have some outfits to share with some great photos in the next few weeks, but first I want to write about something that happened this week.

I have found that polka-dots make me happy.

I got this top from ASOS Curve, Exclusive Soft Peplum Top in Navy and White Spot, Size 22, $35.18 and LOVED how it looked on me! I got compliments (from others as well as from myself :)), and felt pretty awesome in it. Although I don’t like the colors quite as much, I am going to get the Oxblood and Black version as well.

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I have this sweater, CityChic’s Cute Polka Dot Cardi, Item Code: 67153, Size 24, $54.00. Darling! I’m just itching to put it on. Right now, my closet is in a state of disarray as I rearrange to get more organized, but this sweater is calling to me. I hope I love it as much as I did the ASOS Curve top.

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On that Rochester, NY, trip, I found some cute and comfy microfiber black and white polka-dot panties at the Eastview Mall Lane Bryant. I bought all they had in my size. If I could find them on-line, I’d get more. I’ll hit our mall to see if there are some at its store.

I have some cute red and white polka-dot pajamas from Cacique to pick up at my local Catherine’s. It’s driving me nuts because I haven’t been able to get out there since they came in.

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Is it possible not to use the word “cute” to describe polka-dots?

Yes, because here’s what happened.

I was SO excited about this pair of polka-dotted jeans I ordered from Woman Within last week.

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I suppose subconsciously I knew that I was living dangerously, to order polka-dots in bottoms, but I was feeling so great about how comfortable I was becoming in my own skin and with my image in the mirror and photos that I must have put that out of my mind. The jeans came and I put them on the first day, which was Friday. They felt great! They were going to look great! I went to the mirror and…

Aw, crap.

There it was – my stomach. My hips. The way my stomach makes an upside-down heart shape when the jeans aren’t made a certain way. And polka-dots made it all over-obvious.

Aw, crap. And I cared.

Dammit.

Crash. Boom. Bang.

Sink. Sank. Sunk.

I don’t blame the jeans. And THAT is the problem – that I don’t blame the jeans. I should definitely be blaming the jeans, and the jeans’ maker. I know I could return them, but that’s such a pain, and it would seem like complete defeat.

So, I changed tops several times until I was satisfied with the outfit, and I think I know how I will wear them in the future. The jeans should be skinny jeans, too. Maybe I’ll track down my sewing machine and make them into skinny jeans. I’m going to beat these jeans into submission.

But, I feel like I’m back to square one, or at least square two, of clothing-wearing confidence. 😦 So, if you would, please share in the comments your experience or words of wisdom on the topics (polka-dots, confidence-regression, stupid clothing and the like, oh – and making straight-legged jeans into skinny jeans).

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POLKA-DOT PASSION, POLKA-DOT CRASH SUPPLEMENTAL: I think I may have brainstormed the answer. Spanx! Stay tuned.

 

 

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